Hello, in todays Profile John E Sprokitt talks with a man who identifies as a three piece suite and who has legally changed his name and birth cetificate to reflect his new identity. He wants to stay off camera and use only Vinnie as he has had many threats online after starting a chat room for other furniture identifiers so now over to John for the first question. Listeners are asked not to laugh too loudly or suggest insulting things as Profile is a Family Programme. John its all yours.
John sits opposite Vinnie, who has arranged himself neatly in the studio, cushions aligned, posture firm, as if he’s waiting for someone to sit on him. John begins gently, because interviewing a man who identifies as furniture requires a certain tone, and asks how Vinnie came to the fullness of his awareness. Vinnie explains that while most people today are wrestling with gender, he was wrestling with upholstery. He says he never felt like a man trapped in the wrong body. He felt like a sofa trapped in the wrong room. He says the truth arrived one quiet evening when he realised he wasn’t lying on the couch he was the couch, and the moment he accepted that, everything clicked including his joints. He says it was like discovering your true self in a catalogue and finding out you come in three matching colours..
John asks him what that moment felt like, and Vinnie says it was as if someone finally plumped his cushions. He felt supported, structured, upholstered in truth. He realised he wasn’t meant to stand tall. He was meant to offer support. It was the first time he felt comfortable in his own fabric. John asks how his family reacted, and Vinnie says his mother threw a blanket over him to keep him decent, his father who identifies as a grandfather clock said he was ticking in the wrong direction, and his siblings refused to sit on him because they said it felt like crossing a line. Home life became a constant negotiation between being respected and being used as seating.
John asks how it affects his work advising converted Catholics, and Vinnie says it has actually helped. People relax around him, sink into him, open up. He has heard confessions that would make a bishop faint. He cannot kneel cannot bow, cannot stand, but he can incline slightly, which he calls a respectful lean. He says one woman tried to lie fully across him during a spiritual breakthrough, which he found emotionally profound but liturgically questionable.
John asks whether he ever doubts his identity, and Vinnie says no. He is firm in his convictions, cushioned against criticism supported by his inner frame. He has finally found his place in the room. John asks him what he wants people to understand and Vinnie says he wants people to stop judging him by appearances. He is more than upholstery, more than stitching a whole suite of experiences.
John leans in for the final question and asks what he would say to anyone listening who thinks identifying as a three piece suite is strange. Vinnie straightens his cushions, clears his throat, and says that if being yourself makes others uncomfortable let them stand. If life gets tough, don’t fold. If people try to push you around, stay firm. And if anyone tells you you’re not living your truth, tell them to take a seat. He pauses, smiles through his upholstery, and adds that at the end of the day he’s not just a three‑piece suite, he’s a full set, and anyone who doesn’t like it can sofa‑king deal with it.